


And now you see me

by omgbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: 6x01, 6x02 spoilers, Angst, Angsty Bellamy, Bellarke, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Hallucinations, Minor Becho, New Planet, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Praimfaya | Radiation Wave, Resolved Argument Prompt Exchange, Sad Clarke, Sad Ending, Season/Series 05, Spoilers, The 100 (TV) Season 6, The Ark Station, clarke snaps bc she deserves to, don't blame me you've been warned, love triangle???, sanctum - Freeform, spacekru are douchebags honestly, two suns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgbellamy/pseuds/omgbellamy
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy have a talk. This'll include spoilers from 6x01-6x02. Basically Bellamy unintentionally hurts Clarke and this leads them to have a angsty ass conversation.





	And now you see me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody! It's been a damn while since I posted anything, let alone the 100. I love the show, and the spoilers from season 6's first episodes have inspired me to write my own story, since the writers won't address anything else that needs to be said. I hope you enjoy! DO NOT read if you don't like angsty bellarke, or if you don't like spoilers! I appreciate feedback and nice comments. :)  
> Enjoy!

__

He sees it. Blurry lines behind his eyes, heightened by that beaming sun.

_You killed her. You killed her. You left her to die. You killed them on the Ark, and she died because of you._

He’s breathing heavily, unable to combat the voices infiltrating his head.

_You moved on and you left her. And who is she now, Bellamy? Nobody to you. You harmed her child; now she’s a commander. You’re a monster. You should’ve died that day when Dax pointed the gun at you._

He shakes his head vigorously, trying to let go of it all. It must be something in the water, or the headache from that fucking sun, because he feels crazy.

_Murderer. You’re nothing but a killer. Everybody you touch turns to shit. Look at her, now, look at her._

And he can’t take it anymore.

With a grunt, he lunges forward and goes for her throat. He tightens his grip around her throat, choking her. He hears the whimper. The voices are dulling. He’s killing them. They’re leaving him alone. The demons are eating away, so he can’t let them. They need to die. They need…

The silence is deafening. He can vaguely here sounds around him, but the most he can hear is her voice.

_How could you? You let them put the flame inside her head!_

_And you left me to die!_

_You killed her. She’s as good as gone now. So is the child. No longer a child. You’re a killer, a cold-blooded killer._

His grip tightens. He hears the gasps of the demon as the life begins to deplete from them. Good, he thinks, maybe now he’ll be free.

_Monster. Killer. Murderer._

And then, suddenly everything goes black.

He wakes up to darkness in an unfamiliar room. His eyes open slowly, and he feels weak. Fuck, what happened? Bellamy thinks.

He scans the room for his friends. He’s been restrained. Panicked, he tries to loosen the ties to no avail.

“Took you long enough,” Murphy snarks.

Bellamy visibly relaxes. “Murphy? Why am I restrained? What the fuck happened?”

Murphy looks at Bellamy incredulously. “You don’t remember?”

Bellamy shakes his head, confused. What’s he talking about?

Murphy exchanges a look with Emori, who enters the room looking just as confused as he feels.

“Uh…you went ape,” Murphy tells him, always diplomatic. “You…you attacked Clarke.”

Bellamy’s eyes widen. Immediately, he’s on his feet, pulling on his restraints. “That’s not a fucking funny joke, Murphy!” he growls.

Everybody knows he and Clarke are close. He worries about her too much, and she definitely keeps his blood pressure up. But she’s his friend and they’d reconciled on the Ring, so Murphy being an asshole and making jokes is more than concerning.

Murphy holds his hands up in surrender. “I’m not joking, Blake. Something in you snapped. It has to be something on this goddamn planet. You went crazy.”

Bellamy searches his eyes, seeing if he’s lying. It’s rare that John Murphy is ever serious, but he’s alarmed when he realises that this time he sees that in the younger man’s eyes.

Bellamy inhales sharply, processing the information. Fuck. He attacked her. He attacked Clarke. He’d already hurt her enough, and he went and did that? What kind of monster was he? Bellamy feels his heart pound. And suddenly his mind is all her. Where is she? Where are the rest of their friends? If she’s okay? Is she hurt?

“Murphy, untie me,” Bellamy demands.

Murphy looks at him sceptically.

“I’m fine,” Bellamy snaps.

Emori and Murphy exchange a long look, before Emori nods to Murphy. Cautiously, he walks forward and releases Bellamy from the bindings.

Bellamy steps forward, cracking his neck. No doubt he’d been there for hours. He guesses that they must’ve knocked him out.

“Where is she?” he asks then, his mind returning to Clarke.

“She’s in one of the bedrooms,” Emori answers. “She took some time. Shaw, Raven and Echo are still scouting.”

Echo had told him once they landed she wanted to be proactive. She’d voluntarily teamed up with Raven and Shaw to check out the land. She’d told him being an ex-spy had come in handy, in terms of scouting and watching out for traps. After all, with their luck on Earth, Bellamy doubted they’d be alone here either.

“Did I hurt her?”

They both hesitate.

Bellamy takes off into a jog then, running through the shelter. He presumed they’d found it whilst he was unconscious.

“Clarke!” he shouts. “Clarke!”

He finds her in a room with an open window where they can see the two suns. It’s considerably later, and the sun is setting. Bellamy always had a thing for sunsets. They were beautiful on the Ark, but on Earth they were breath-taking. He inhales sharply as he sees her. They had spoken much since everybody was woken up earlier that day. It felt like they’d lost a little of their peace.

She turns around slowly. He sees her then. As he gets closer, he can see a dark bruise forming on her neck. He gulps and his stomach flips over. Dread, he knows it is. He attacked her. Murphy didn’t lie.

She’s staring at him, looking a little lost and afraid, and he feels his heart break.

“Clarke,” he says again, incredibly soft.

She relaxes slightly, but she still won’t come close to him.

“Fuck,” he swears. “Did I…I did that?” He gestures vaguely to her neck.

She looks down, but he catches her little nod.

Bellamy swears again. Fuck. How could he do that? How could he attack her, after all she’d been through? After all _they’d_ been through together? They were laughing and joking earlier and he thought that maybe they were okay. Now it seems everything went to shit. Again.

“Fuck, Clarke. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened, I was… I wasn’t-”

“Psychosis,” She says.

Bellamy stops, staring at her blankly.

“It was psychosis. You were under some sort of trance. I know it wasn’t you.”

Bellamy takes this in. He had drunk some water from the lake. He’d tested it voluntarily because after sleeping for a hundred and twenty years, he’d be damned if he didn’t. It was reckless and stupid, but he wanted a goddamn drink. They’d never got that drink.

“The water. It must’ve been something in the water.”

Clarke nods. With her medical knowledge, he figures the cogs in her head are turning. After all, radiation on Earth altered lots of things, including the water. She’d told him about how big sea animals had developed – not whales or sharks, but abnormally sized fish. One almost got Octavia on that first day.

“You shouldn’t have drunk it,” she tells him, scolding him somewhat like his mother used to. Aurora used to scold him a lot. His mother was harsh and direct, which was something Bellamy carried into his adulthood. After she was floated, he practically raised Octavia, for as long as he could until they took her away into solitary. He had to basically be her mother, since Aurora was either drunk all the time or out selling herself to make enough to feed them – to feed O, mostly.

He went hungry sometimes. But he never cared. He was a skinny thing, back then. Some people from Alpha station made comments on it. He also heard comments sometimes from the guards who heckled him. He’d give them the finger in his head.

“One hundred and twenty years of sleep. Can you blame me?”  He jokes.

Clarke rolls her eyes, but he thinks he catches a hint of a smile. However, it’s gone before he can spot it, and she narrows her eyes.

“This isn’t a joke,” she snaps. “You could’ve been poisoned. That’s the last thing we need right now, Bellamy. This planet is a mind field and we can’t fucking lose anybody else.”

Bellamy glances at her. He loves it when she’s honest. It’s been a rarity for them since Praimfaya. Six years of separation numbed anything Bellamy had really wanted to say. They were racing to fight all the time and now they had a moment to breathe. Well, seconds.

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely, taking a few steps closer. “Shit, Clarke, I’m sorry for all of it.”

She knows that he’s not just talking about drinking the water. She straightens, but he can see her soften “Are you?” she asks.

Bellamy blanches.

“I’m not sure,” she says. “We haven’t spoken about it properly, and you keep making jokes about life and death. It’s not funny. Not anymore.”

“God, Clarke, I’m sorry,” he says, irritated. “I’m just trying to lighten the mood.”

“Well, don’t,” she says shortly, crossing her arms. It’s a familiar gesture, one she did frequently back at the Dropship when they were arguing about the hundred. It’s oddly comforting.

“Sorry, Princess,” he snorts.

Clarke glares at him. “Don’t do that.”

“Don’t what, Clarke?”

“Be an ass.”

Bellamy scoffs. “Why not? Don’t I have a right to be?”

“Excuse me?”

  
And suddenly, he snaps. Those words he should’ve said before. He’d forgiven her, but he hadn’t forgotten.

“You left me to die in the pit!” he shouts.

Clarke flinches. He sees her blue irises flash with pain and he sees the guilt in her eyes. “Well you put the flame in Madi and turned her into a fucking commander!” she yells back.

And his reaction mirrors hers. He knows what he did with Madi is wrong. He knows it now. He fucked up, but so did she. It’s a dysfunctional friendship, but they forgive each other. It’s their way of functioning.

“I know!” he shouts and then he calms down. “I know. God, I know. I would never have done it if there wasn’t another choice.”

“You betrayed me,” she says accusingly. “You said you’d protect her. You promised me, and you fucking broke that.” Her voice is trembling now, and he can see she’s fighting back tears. Her hair is mused from running her fingers through it.

“And you left me,” he returns.

“And you left me!” she shouts. “You left _me_ alone on a planet for six fucking years!”

He flinches. Her voice booms through the small bedroom. He’s sure that the others can hear it, even from miles away. He pictures Murphy with his ear pressed against the door, no doubt looking to gossip to Emori and the group later.

He knows. He mourned her every fucking day. There wasn’t a day on the Ring where he didn’t think of her. What would Clarke do, was basically his motto. He missed her more than anybody. He finally accepted three years in that she was as good as dead. Her chance of survival was slim to none, but of course, Clarke fucking Griffin had defied those odds.

And then it was like the pieces of the puzzle fit back into place again. He saw her. After six years. The same bright blue eyes, a more mature face, and a little more spunk in the form of a pink streak in her now bobbed hair. But still Clarke.

He couldn’t believe she was real. A part of him had thought she was a hallucination. Hell, he’d seen her up on the Ring sometimes. He’d imagined her voice in his head speaking to him and making nonchalant conversation. He’d imagined her laugh, her smile and her eyes until she felt like a ghost. Until he’d almost forgotten her.

He’d drowned her out. He spent many days with Raven doing engineering and with Murphy training and then, well, with Echo…

They’d come to an understanding. Six years with the same company allowed Bellamy to mellow out. To become more rational. She’d only been doing what she thought was right for her people, even if a part of him noted she had tricked him into thinking she’d killed his sister. He’d kept her at arm’s length at first, holding that grudge until one day he was broken, and she was there.

He bedded her first in the fourth year. At first it was a stupid, drunken mistake, until he realised that everybody was coupled, and he and Raven had too much history to go down that route again.

He needed somebody, and she was there. She needed something too, and somehow they’d ended up in a relationship.

“I know, Clarke, I—”

“No!” she interrupts, holding up a hand. “No you don’t. None of you do!”

“Do you know what it’s like to be alone for years on a deserted planet? To starve yourself every day because there’s nothing, to walk for miles and miles in blistering, burning sun just to forage? To eat and kill insects because there’s no food? To reach your breaking point and then when your friends come back to fucking Earth, they act like you don’t exist?! They call you a bad guy and alienate you because you didn’t spend time with them up there! Well guess what?! _I_ sacrificed my life for all of _you_! I endured mental and physical trauma for six years and I get ridiculed for protecting my child! Madi is all I had – and all I have! And now you say you don’t need me, that I’m not a part of your family, blah, blah, blah! I know that, okay? And it is what it is now. We’re here, we need to work together to figure this out. Like Monty and Harper wanted.”

He’s rendered speechless. He can hear her still panting, and she’s still crying, but he doesn’t know what to say. He can’t apologise, he can’t apologise enough for it.

So instead, he tries to break down her walls. Calmly, he says: “Madi told me about the radio calls.”

She looks up suddenly, so fast it feels like she might get whiplash. “Of course she did,” she murmurs.

“Everyday, Clarke,” he says, soft. “You called everyday.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she says dismissively.

“It does to me.”

“Why? Things are different now, anyways. We’re not even…” she trails off, but he knows what she’s implying: they’re not even friends anymore.

“That’s not true, Clarke.”

“Really? Look at us now, Bellamy. Everything is fucked. You and me, we’re no different.”

“Yes, we are,” he says fiercely. “We’re a team. So it matters to me. _You_ matter to me.” He walks close to her, and puts his hands on her shoulders, much like he did before he lost her in Praimfaya.

She doesn’t look at him, and it pains him. He just wants her to see him. Finally for the first time in over a hundred years.

“You don’t have to say that.”

He shakes her slightly. “Goddamn, Clarke!”

She looks up then.

“I’m serious. You matter to me. Whatever I said before, I was wrong. You’re a part of this group, okay? Everyone will come around eventually. They’re just going through things. You’re one of my best friends, Clarke. _The_ best friend. I couldn’t live if something happened to you or if I lost you again, please understand me. I’m sorry I hurt you, okay?”

Clarke’s eyes dart over his own, as if she is deciding whether or not to believe him. She considers him for a while before she simply whispers, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay. I’m so sorry, too. I shouldn’t have left you.”

Bellamy raises his hand to stroke her cheek. He expects her to pull away and is surprised when she leans into it, sighing softly.

“I know,” he murmurs. “We shouldn’t have left each other.”

She hums in agreement. Suddenly, as if burned, she steps quickly back from him. She clears her throat, as if they weren’t just having a life-altering conversation.

“Clarke?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

She nods. “Yeah. But you can’t do that, Bellamy.”

“Hm?” he tilts his head to the side.

“You can’t touch me like that.” Clarke shifts uncomfortably.

“Why?”

“Your girlfriend won’t be happy,” Clarke murmurs, and he thinks he catches a hint of snark in her tone.

“Echo? Clarke, this isn’t about Echo.”

“No, but I don’t want to cause any more rifts than I already have between you guys.”

“Clarke—”

“No, Bellamy. Trust me.”

He shakes his head. “Echo isn’t like that, Clarke,” he says. He feels compelled to defend her, but not because she’s his girlfriend. In fact, up until now he’d forgotten to even think about her.

Clarke looks as if she wants to argue, but she thinks better of it. “And neither am I. I’m just trying to keep the peace, so we can focus on the mission.”

The mission being to see if the planet Monty had hand-picked for them was liveable.

“Okay. At least let me patch you up.”

She takes a few steps back, shaking her head determinedly. Always like Clarke. “No, no. It’s fine. You should go back with Murphy and Emori. I’m fine.”

“Clarke—”

She smiles at him, but it looks sad. “No, Bellamy. It’s fine.”

But he knows it’s not.


End file.
